Reaching the surface.

As I start to reminess on the life God granted me, I feel as if I have wasted to much time worrying about the people around me, and what they want, instead of what I truly want. I watch my dreams fade away as I become more obsessed with buckle jeans and designer shirts. I hand away my dreams to society as I get pulled in more and more. They say drowing is one of the most peacful ways to die, that your body sufficates it's self before the water has a chance to fill your lungs. I wonder if drowing is like getting pulled into society, you loose yourself to the latest trends, the music, drugs and alcohol, and worrying more about what car you drive instead of the person you are inside. I wonder when drowing if you notice your life slip away faster and faster as you try to hold on for one more second. I find myself wishing for one more moment, a little more time to hold onto my heart, to scream FUCK YOU to the bitches who think I owe them a reason for the way I live, I wish that I followed my heart, instead of letting a friend dictate the way I think. I watch my life as it becomes more and more blurry, that everything I had in grasp is slipping away as I fall deeper and deeper into the pits of hell, loosing more and more breath. My fear... is that by the time I'm realeased, my dreams will be suffocated, and it would be to late to swim up to the surface.

Today, I finially reached the breaking point, that I can't control what life brings me, I cant control the loss of a friendship, I can't control death and I can't control the lives around me, BUT I CAN control my actions, my thoughts, I CAN control if I let someone get to me, I CAN control if I want to do this OR that, and I DO NOT have to provide a reason for why I did something. I realized that not everyone is going to approve of my morals, and I can't control the feelings they have towards me, BUT I CAN control if I let that ruin the rest of my day.

Today I finally realized I CAN, If I'm willing to fight the battle, no one has the right to tell me I can't. I constantly find keys to new doors in my life, and it's up to me to open them, and not regret picking the door I chose. I don't want to regret, I don't want to forget, I don't want to compromise, I want to embrace every moment i'm given, there is a reason I am A L I V E.

Now, i'm not exactly sure what I'm to do in this life of mine, and If the door I choose will get me where I want, but I am positive...that whatever I choose; will bring me one step closer to being free from the drowning of my dreams, that I'll be closer to the surface, and once I take my first breath, I can say I'm free, that I made it, that I cheated death.